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What are words ?
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Shattered
About
What he got to say
hanwee
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-you
What are words if you don't mean what you say ? cheryl jiayu mabel chinying zhiqingg junwen huilin vivien isabelle regina yeo zengjie yanling serene xueqi stephanie upvelia nai ming lielyn Jeremy Rae Friend Friend Friend Friend |
Sunday, July 10, 2011, 2:15 AM
Pitiful humans. Do you think people really care for you? Do you think that they love you? Do you really think that other people is not selfish and greedy and will not hesitate to harm you?Pitiful feeling love is. I should just remain true to being an observer. Why did I even start? I should be alone so no one can hurt me. And I can use and hurt anyone without having to care or someone feelings. Demons, yokai I can give you my body, in return I want a free body that allow me to move around. I want to learn from you Naraku. Using and manipulating people. Humans are weak. They are shaken by love and their feelings. I don't want to be like that. I want power. I want it so that no one can hurt me and can hurt other people. I demand a new body. A free body just like Naraku. GIVE IT TO ME ! I DON'T WANT TO BE A HUMAN ANYMORE. I WANT TO BE A DEMON ! Sunday, June 26, 2011, 11:19 PM
Beat the sunrise .
what is the use of having so much friends, when I want to find someone to talk to I cannot even find one? I want them to sympathize with me, i want them to pity me, i want them to feel sorry for me, i want them to talk to me, i want them to miss me, i want to them to not be able to leave without me. I must be crazy.i just want to find some one to talk to. if you don't want to talk to me you can just tell me, i will not blame you. i just don't like you plainly ignoring me. i prefer the truth then doing things around the bushes. Why do you have to be like that? I hate to just keep falling in love. Especially with someone that is friend of your friend and you do not want to hurt that guy and if I start to be close to her, it will become very awkward and in the end i will not be able to be friends with her. one day i will also have to show her this blog post. i am thinking whether i should and should not post. but i shall go with posting. why did i even ask this question. you are older than me and I just do not know how you would feel, i just ... maybe i just should just cut off this feeling. useless feeling. i shall just be a stranger to everyone, a stranger in this world, lonely world, sad world, colorless world,silent world where everyone judge you for who you are. After volunteering at the sundown marathon and see the first runner, i feel that road to being a champion is indeed a lonely one. With no one to run beside you, no one to talk to you, you just have to keep pressing on in the darkness. People are watching you from afar, waiting for you to fall then they come in and clear you away. But if you manage to become a champion, what awaits you is glory. One of the runner asked me, why did she sign up for this race? i didn't know what to answer her. Why did everyone came into this race? Challenge themselves? For that glory? To show off to other people? why ? i wonder. Tuesday, June 14, 2011, 1:10 AM
what happened to me ? why did i react this way ? why did i hesitate to say that you are not fake ? why did i do all these ? what happened to me ?i need someone to save me . i can't pull myself out from the darkness anymore . just stay away from me . i don't want to hurt you . the less people beside me, the less people i will hurt . although i will be lonely, but at least i don't hurt anyone . Sunday, April 24, 2011, 12:17 PM
When a heart break, no it don't break even .
there was once a boy . he was a very happy and kind boy . as he growup,he thought that maybe all the troubles that trouble other people will not trouble him . he was wrong . As he grow up, he start to realise there is a lot of trouble with growing up . and whats worse is , the troubles just add on to each other and grow into a monster . he is afraid . what if the monster ate him up ? what if they suffocate him to death ? he is scared . he don't want to die . he really don't want to die . he start to look back at his troubles and what cause it . he want to solve it as fast as he can so that he won't be swallowed up. there is friendship , relationship , family problems and endless other problems that he doesn't understand . when he is was 17, he met a girl . its differnt from the other girls that he have seen . she was like a ugly duckling and no one like her. it all started off as a normal friend . then he asked her out to have a dinner . soon, they start going out more often . whats more , she is at his work place. so they are practically seeing each other everyday . As the day progresses, their relationship start to grow stronger . it was so strong that it made him want to change to be able to match the girl's expectation . that was what he thought, the most that he can do for her . till one day, he told her to wait for him . well, what he really meant was to wait till he confess and trust him . she did but something particular happened . a few weeks later, she asked him while they chat online , at night . she asked how long more do you want me to wait ? another day ? another week ? another month ? hearing this, the boy became afraid . he is afriad that she might go away if he dont do something so he mustered up his courage and told her that he like her ! his heart start to beat very fast . he really hope that she won't go away or avoid him after that . and then she replied :'why didnt you say so earlier ?' he was surprised ! then then start to understand each other more and she also confessed shyly that maybe, maybe, they can progress to be more then best friends . but the girl also have her worries. she is worried that all these talking he told her was just sweet talk . and when they are together, he would just hurt her and leave her . he made a promise to himself and her . she would be his first and the last and that he will never find another girl . a big promise that he could keep . but as you know, good things don't always happen to good people . a few days later, the girl and him went out . Later at night , when he was sending her home . they were at the lift landing waiting for the lift . he held her close and held her hand . he didn't know what to do really . he was really nervous as it is the first time he ever held a girl hand and confessing to her face to face . he didn't know what to do . he just held her hand there . after a while, he stammer-ed :' wil..will you.. uhm, i really love you . will you .. be my girlfriend ?' he immediately blushed . he didn't say anyone to this before . the girl was also looking downward, feeling shy . they just stood there swinging their hand. he was waiting for the answer . she kept saying that she don't know . he wanted to clear up the akwardness said .' well don't need to answer me now ba . 'he watch her go up the lift and went home . when he was back they were chatting on msn. she had the answer for me . and that answer changed his life straight . a total turn of 180 degree . she told him that they should be best friend . that wasnt the answer he was expecting . he turn into someone he doesn't even know . he went berserk . he questioned himself . what did he do ? why is the answer like that ? why every other guy can get a girlfriend easily and he couldn't ? why she doesn't like him ? he cursed everyone around him , she is the first girl that ever like him and why does this have to happened ? why can't his life be as easy as the others ? deep down inside him, he was crying . a silent cry that was heard by no one . help . he doesn't know how he should feel . he was just crying . a tearless cry that no one knew . he was breaking inside . felt like someone was mocking him . but facing her, he must still put on a mask . he pretend that nothing have happened . he continue to smile around her . continue to hope that he is peservere, maybe she wont change her mind . thats what he thought . he start to blame himself . why does this have to happen ? he know he is ugly. he know that no one will ever like him. the troubles dont just start here ... Saturday, March 26, 2011, 7:03 PM
Speechless
talking to you today, i am so afraid to get you angry . i don't know . seems like a phobia . i just don't want you to be angry again . sometimes i just pushed my luck so far . okay . maybe its my fault . i don't know . why is everything seemed to be my fault . i know i am not a good friend , that is why i am losing everybody . picking fights/quarrels with everyone . i just want to be alone at least . i don't want to care so much already . why do i have to care so much for somebody ? but at the end of the day i still want to care for you . why ?maybe if i not such a weakling i won't have so much problem . if its in the PAST, i would be able to run away from home and just walk around in the wild with no one to care. why am i even born ? what have i done in my past life ? even now i lost you . what have i done ? i am just being stupid okay . i am sorry . too much things got into my head . hate me ba . thats what all the people do isn't it ? you are also too busy to bother about me . i just drag you down . troublesome life . Friday, March 25, 2011, 1:22 AM
i miss you.
No one to talk to already . the people who really want to talk to me, i think less than 5 fingers. What should i do ? No games for me to play too . Why did i last for so long ? What happened ? Why do i have to go through all these. Jalene i really miss you . i miss you when you are the only one there for me . i miss you when you are the only one that would talk to me . i miss you when you are the only one who like me . i miss you when we would go out together and i can hold you.i want to go back in time . go back to when it was just you and me . i can only wish . i have already given up hope of finding anyone better than you . you are the one and the only one . i am tired . you know how tired i am ? i really miss you . the first few days when you are gone , i everyday dreamt about you . when i tell you these, you don't seem to care . why ? don't you miss me too ? how i wish i can know what you are thinking . this would make my life easier . why is being alive such a troublesome thing ? to tell the truth , i had thoughts of settling down with you . but everything shattered that night. i lost myself . i lost the battle for myself . i lost you . you were my everything . now i got nothing left . i still remember what i told you . i would not look at other girls and what i say was not sweet talking to you . that was my promise to you . i think maybe you forget already . but i still remember . i can't cry . because i have no tears left . i really need you now . please make time turn back . i promise i will never make the same mistake again . ): Monday, March 21, 2011, 11:20 PM
Where'd you go?I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone. She said "Some days I feel like shit, Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit," I don't understand why you have to always be gone, I get along but the trips always feel so long, And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone, 'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone, But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call, But when I pick up I don't have much to say, So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up, That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin', Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career, Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?" I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone. Where'd you go? I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone, Please come back home... You know the place where you used to live, Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs, Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile, But now, you only stop by every once and a while, Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time, With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind, I'm doin' fine, and I'm plannin' to keep it that way, You can call me if you find that you have something to say, And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up, That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin', Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career, Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?" I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone. Where'd you go? I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone, Please come back home... I want you to know it's a little fucked up, That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin', Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses, For why you're not around, and feeling so useless, It seems one thing has been true all along, You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone, I guess I've had it with you and your career, When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it... Where'd you go? I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone. Where'd you go? I miss you so, Seems like it's been forever, That you've been gone, Please come back home... Please come back home... Please come back home... Please come back home... Please come back home... unusual to have a double post on a monday night . but oh well . i am typing sleepily . enjoyed today . hweexian you are the best man :D well sleepy head good night . tmrw results hais . |